If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things.

I plant my elbows on the kitchen table, prop up my chin and think: When the hell did the compass needle get out of whack and lead my life astray?

Every once in a while, something happens to you that makes you realise that the human race is not quite as bad as it so often seems to be.

Probably the worst time in a person&#39;s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it&#39;s been a pretty good day.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

Probably the toughest time in anyone&#39;s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they&#39;re the devil.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics&#39; heads, where they are safe.

Emo Philips

Quotes by Emo Philips

Written By Emo Philips

Written By Emo Philips

Written By Emo Philips

Written By Emo Philips

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